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 छोरीको झोलामा
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Posted on 08-30-07 4:16 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Yesterday was the first day of my daughter’s school. Her teacher gave her some gifts with few words for what they meant and reminds. It touched my heart so I tried to write a poem based on that. I do not write poems that often so please correct me.

छोरीको झोलामा

सबेरै मस्त सुतिरहेकी छोरीलाई ऊठाउंदै भनें
उठ - आज तिमी फेरि पाठशाला जादैछौ !

बाबाले तिम्रो झोलामा
जिन्दगी जस्तो रातो, नीलो, सेतो, कालो
रङ्गीन फाईलहरुको थुप्रो राखी दिएको छु –
ता कि आफ्नै खुट्टामा टेकेर तिमी
- रातोमा साहस लेख्न सकौला
- नीलोमा शान्ती देख्न सकौला
- सेतोमा ईन्द्रेणी भर्न सकौला
- कालोमा सेतोले भबिष्य कोर्न सकौला !

केहि थकाबत जस्तो
केहि उत्साह जस्तो
अल्छी गर्दै ऊठिन् तिनी स्कूल जान !

सांझ फर्किईन् घरमा मुस्कुराउंदै छोरी,
फाईल जति पाठशालामै राखि छे ,
बरु गुरुमाले दिनु भएको सानो थैलीमा
एक-एक बटा पेन्सील, ईरेजर, धागो,
रबर ब्याण्ड, ब्याण्ड-एड, चकलेट, टिस्यू
र लाईफ सेभर मिन्ट ल्याएछन् !

उनी दोहर्याउदै गईन् – गुरुमाले भनेका कुरा
बाबा – यो पेन्सीलले म सपना कोर्छु
यहि क्रममा म जानाजानी गल्ती गर्दिन
तर कहिले कांहि भई हाले,
कुनै होसमा राखेर फेरि दोहराउदिन
त कुनै यहि बिबेकको ईरेजरले मेट्ने छु !

लन्च बक्स जस्तो जिन्दगीमा
संधै भरि मीठो खान पाईदैन होला !
कहिले तीतो पनि खानु पर्ला,
त्यति बेला मुख मीठो पार्न
सानो मूस्कानको गुलीयो चकलेट खानु पर्ला !

अप्ठ्यारो लामो बाटो हिड्नु छ,
धूलो माटोमा खेल्नु छ,
सीधा बाटोमा त लडिन्छ – सम्हाल्दा समाल्दै
धाउ लाग्छ पक्कै,
पोल्ने अल्कोहोलले ईन्फेक्सन रोकी
म आत्मबिश्वासको ब्याण्ड-एड लगाउछु !

बुझ्नु भो बाबा –
त्यो धागो सुनको धागो हो
शत्रु मित्र सबैलाई म उत्तिकै नजीकै
बांधेर राख्ने छु !

यो टिस्यू छ नि बाबा-
आफ्नै गालामा आंसु चुहिए
भिजाउनको लागी हो,
ताकी म अरुको आंसु पनि
देख्न सकुं, बुझ्न सकुं र पुछ्न सकुं !

लाईफ सेभर क्याण्डी
गुरुमाले पठाएको निमन्त्रणा हो –
तनाबहरुमा, दबाबहरुमा, खुशीयालीहरुमा
जब मलाई मनको कुरा खोल्न आबश्यक पर्छ
तिनी छिन् भन्नलाई !
 
Posted on 08-30-07 8:36 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Shirish, nice poem. I am sure it meant a lot for you, you know your daughter's first school day. I was just wondering if you also write lyrics/songs in nepali.
 
Posted on 08-30-07 9:31 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 08-30-07 11:09 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nice and touchy poem, keep it up.
 
Posted on 08-31-07 12:30 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Shirish दाजु के यो जीवन जिउने तरिका हो ? कि जीवन पथ हो ? नरिसाएर जवाफ पाम्ला है
हजुरको रचनाहरु पढ्न पर्खि बस्ने गर्छु ज्ञानबर्धक लाग्छ :)
 
Posted on 08-31-07 3:34 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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good one. if you put this in "Baal Sahityaa" category, would be killer. They will benefit tremendiously.
 
Posted on 08-31-07 6:06 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nice poem.... but I would like to comment hai...(as u have requested)

poem from start reflects pure Nepali paaanah....but at the end, tyo "life saver candy" ali suhayenah..... (my opinion) .

Rumal will be better than tissue paper....

how about submitting it to some section of Kids of some newspaper of Nepal ???
 
Posted on 08-31-07 10:51 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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सच्चिकै छुने कबिता। मिसले भनेजस्तै, म नि हजुरको रचना कुरि बसेको हुन्छु।
 
Posted on 08-31-07 3:32 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thank You for suggestions and appreciation.

Poon Hill
Check out the ghazal link. You will see a process there

http://www.sajha.com/sajha/html/OpenThread.cfm?forum=4&ThreadID=25330

Nepali Kanchi
Thank You..मन पराई दिनु भएकोमा !

Dhami Jhankri
thank You

miss me
Literature is always exaggerated. So is this poem.
Recently, I have tried to be positive with my writings. Thank You for your appreciation.

Mr truth
I never tried to write somthing for the children. Your advice will definitely be considered. This is what I was doing late that night.


Sangfroid
Rumal instead of tissue is definitely an option. TY but I did not find alternative for "Life Saver". Let me correct the text and make it simpler and send to some publications targetted for children. Good idea.

SurNaTal
Your writings are better than mine. I think the comparisions in this one made little different. This attempt was only modification from the original work of Ms McDonnell (which is definitely praiseworthy.)
Last edited: 31-Aug-07 03:34 PM

 
Posted on 08-31-07 3:52 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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अहो! शिरीष गुरुको कविता पढ्न पाइयो!
मिठो र प्रेमले भरिएको भावना!
गौतमजीको यस्तै छोरिको प्रेममा निस्केको एउटा भावना पढेको थिएँ पहिला तपाइँको पनि पढ्न पाइयो!
गजब छ!
 
Posted on 08-31-07 3:56 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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हो, मन छुने कविता । मनमा टाँसिएको, अकाल्पनिक कथाको कविता प्राकृतिक रुपले नै मन छुने हुन्छन् । तर शिरीषको शैलीले यसमा बेग्लै जीवन्तता थपिदिएको छ ।

छ नि, व्यावसायिक नेपाली प्रेमगीतहरुका, खास गरेर अचेलका, शब्दहरु पढ्दा मलाई सधैं जिन्दगीमा कहिले प्रेम नगरेकोहरुले जबर्जस्ती प्रेमको वर्णन गरेको अभ्यास जस्तो लाग्छ । तीनमा वर्णित प्रेमहरु प्रेमभन्दा कताकता टाढाका, अपरिचित, खण्डित लाग्छन् ।

हाम्रा प्रेमगीतकारहरुले प्रेमको अनुभव नै नगरेका होलान् भनेर शंका गर्नु त शंकाको हदै हो, तर साच्ची मलाई त्यस्तै लाग्छ ।

ब्याक टु शिरीषको कविता, ल हेर कति जीवन्तता त्यसमा, कति गति त्यसमा, कति लय त्यसमा ! अनुभूतिको कविता जो हो ।

Sangfroid को टिप्पणीबारे चाही ‘लाईफ सेभर क्यान्डी’ को जबर्जस्ती अनुवाद वा झर्रो समानार्थी फ्रेज खोज्दा कृत्रिम प्रतित हुन्थ्यो कि जस्तो लाग्छ । हुन त बेलाबखताँ म पनि जबर्जस्ती अनुवाद गर्दछु । एक ठाउँमा ‘tread-mill’ लाई ‘धावन-पेटी’ भनेको छु ।

एउटा निर्माणाधिन शेरमा ‘down payment’ शब्द छ । यसलाई ‘झरल भुक्तानी’ भनिदिएको छु । कस्तो सुनिन्छ कुन्नि ?

अन्त्यमा, शिरीषलाई बधाई, आफ्नो एक precious क्षणलाई यति सुन्दर उपहारको रुपमा साझावासीलाई पस्केकोमा ।

Nepe
 
Posted on 11-20-07 12:19 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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छोराको झोला



अरुणबहादुर खत्री 'नदी'



मेरो छोराको कक्षा कोठा
कति सानो सानो छ
किताब कापीको थुप्रो
झोलाभित्र कोचिएको छ
अति साह्रै गहु्रङ्गो छ
मेरो छोराको झोला
हल्का गरी बोक्नुपर्ने
कहिले आउँछ होला -
घर पनि कक्षा कोठा जस्तै
धेरै सानो सानो छ
धन छैन थुप्रो
स्कुलको झोला बोक्दा
मेरो छोरा भइसक्यो कुप्रो
स्कुलको झोला छोराको
चुँड्छ घरी घरी
नखाइकन भए पनि किन्छु
मेरो छोराको झोला म त
दर्ुइ-दर्ुइ महिना गरी ।

 

http://www.gorkhapatra.org.np/mag.php?p=muna/2064/07/inner/inner9

 
Posted on 11-20-07 12:59 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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oh,

by reading the postings above i also wanted to share u guys a lyrics i wrote long back...

 


 
Posted on 11-20-07 12:59 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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oh,

by reading the postings above i also wanted to share u guys a lyrics i wrote long back...

 


 
Posted on 11-20-07 12:59 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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oh,

by reading the postings above i also wanted to share u guys a lyrics i wrote long back...

 


 
Posted on 11-20-07 1:23 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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This is really heart touching and lively.    I really appreciate for the writer for his/her  ablity to translate the feelings into words for us all saja basi.aarko feri pedna paya maja aautho.


 
Posted on 11-20-07 5:01 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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great job sirish and seiko.
seiko you have a really nice voice...  perfect with your writing.

 
Posted on 11-20-07 5:45 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 11-20-07 9:38 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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thank you guys,

well i am sorry to put the indian music background though,

Next time i will try to make it better...

 

and yeah Sirish is excellent!!


 


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